Self blame is common in survivors of abuse whether it be emotional, sexual or physical. For many years I blamed myself for my step father abusing me. Self blame can lead to low self esteem, feeling like you’re not worth anything. This can cause many issues in your life and not allowing yourself to move forward with the healing process. No matter how many times I had been told it is not my fault, I still said to myself that ‘what if I could have stopped it or I feel such a wimp for not defending myself. Being emotionally, physically and sexual abused overwhelmed me with shame. This can define a person keeping them from their full potential and moving forward to achieve their goals.
Shame can have a big impacted on your life for former survivors and some of these are lowers confidence and body image, navigates intimate relationships, self blame, self neglect and self-destructive behaviours for example drugs or alcohol. For anyone who is reading this, NEVER GIVE UP. I’m not saying it’s easy because it is not and getting the help you need is important. Healing is a time where you need to learn to love yourself. Addressing self blame might seem like a hard task however with a lot of self love and effort in believing in yourself, you can kick self-blame in the butt and overcome this obstacle.
I was a child and I realize now that I am not to blame and I can hold my head up high. I do not feel ashamed any more. It may take you a long time to heal that’s fine you are better than the person or people that have hurt you. Stand tall with confidence as you walk down the street on a daily basis; never hang your head in shame. Every one heals differently and it may take some people longer than others. Here are some tips that have helped me these may not work for everyone however why not give them a try
1. Get help, it’s all right to receive help I always thought I could deal with it all on my own and I was wrong. Once I had started receiving help then I allowed myself to heal, even now I can have hard days, its learning how to overcome those hard days.
2. Understanding self blame
3. Everyone can get things wrong in life, be gentle with yourself and try again.
4. Surround yourself with people who love and support you.
5. Positive thinking
6. Recognizing your own thoughts
8. Get into a hobby that you like doing building your confidence is important. It could be going to the gym, swimming, boxing class or horse riding.
This has been a long journey for me and I’m still learning and moving forward every day. It gets easier through time. Never give up……